Maybe this would be getting too personal but I have to get this out! I had heard long ago that a marriage had an 80% chance of divorce if you had children with Autism. I am not sure if its true or where I heard it. But my initial thought was, how? Aren’t they too tired? How are they getting time away to go to the lawyers office or to the court house. I thought it seemed to high to be true because the logistics just don’t make any sense. But if there is a will there is a way so alright.
Recently I can say there are more problems than just how your getting out of the house. I can’t remember the last time I felt like I had a “marital bed”. We are always so busy trying to achieve sleep we have learned to sleep however we can and it sucks for a marriage. We are never together unless one of the kids are in with us. Mostly someone is always with Topper. Usually it doesn’t affect me this way but last night it did. I got out of Toppers room once he fell asleep around 10:00 I started the usual grooming try for Topper. Everything while he is asleep and that is if your lucky. I come back out to the kitchen to do the usual making a lunch bag for him to take to school, even though he does not eat it. To find my husband awake and watching a “made up” reality show. So he watches me perform the must haves a mom would do. Tells me he is going to bed. To be honest I was glad. I just wanted to be by myself with quiet for a while. I get up at 5:30am and I thought it was 11:00pm and My God, Give me Peace!!!! Please just let me be! Of course I am saying that in my head. I love my husband, I don’t want to hurt him.
About 10 minutes later he came out of the bedroom and as I was washing nipples from our 10 year olds bottles he starts to get kissy -touchy. Oh God- Now what?! I think we have both become use to living in let’s take care of it mode I almost forgot this was a possibility. Do not get me wrong his approach sucked. Women like to get in the mood. I do not have a button anywhere on my body I can push and feel like getting it on. I also feel from not sleeping together it lets you get use to that and it is wrong. So wrong! Emotionally I think we are out of touch. You need that intimacy and with kids it usually has to be in bed at night. When you lay down and talk to one another. Not us we don’t have that. We don’t have any of that. I call him at work to try to talk and it is nice but mostly the conversation is cut short because he needs to go to a meeting.
Now the part I feel bad about because I want to make my husband happy. I always thought it would be easier to be married . I always thought about a normal life and never thought of a life with a special needs child. So I said to him are you for real, babe? He says, Of course want to it’s been a while? No handsome I don’t are you kidding its late an I still don’t have these nipples for tomorrow done and I need a break. He said OK and walked off to bed and I was left standing with the nipples in the kitchen feeling guilty about not giving my husband any action.
Where is it easier, when is it easier. Being married is hard anyways at times it seems like it would be impossible to be a great wife for him even though I want to. I just don’t have the energy for him after I have been taking care of our kids. I hate it. I hate that because I don’t have a normal family, I don’t have a normal marriage!